Turmoil in the Turbolift

"It's a lonely station, and I haven't been around another telepath in a very long time."

The rest of T'Pren's defenses and resolves dissolved then. She scooted closer to the Captain in the dark, still holding his hand in one of hers while the other slipped up his face to put her Vulcan positioned fingers on his temple and cheek. And then, in the midst of what seemed to be the eye in her emotional storm made just for Rai to take shelter, she pressed her lips to his. Her mouth stayed closed and while there was such fondness and affection and maybe even dustings of love in the kiss, it was devoid of any kind of intense romantic feelings. It was just the two of them, Pren and Rai, who were so good together, without the complications of expectation. She was lonely and being near him still sent electric charge through her body, but she wasn't looking to complete herself with him. There was a healthy space between them in the connection. More than friends, but less than lovers. A sort of telepathic understanding of his pain. And a taking of some of it.

When she pulled away, she left her hand on his cheek to smooth his hair. In front of him now was the Pren who cared deeply for his well-being, who would make love with him if he was in the mood, but who wasn't asking for it. The tension between them was gone, at least on her side.

Rai returned the kiss earnestly, and placed cupped his hand over hers on his face. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. But I am."

"You should have just told me," T'Pren murmured emotionally. "Did you think I wouldn't understand? Darren, I have no mother! Neither biological nor surrogate nor step nor any other kind of mother there might be. I understand men who love men. You could have told me. You should have. From the beginning. And maybe I still might have fallen for you...but at least I think I might have had a better chance of avoiding it. And at least I would have known that I was going to be disappointed."

"You're right, I should have," he said. He didn't want to argue with her at all, he agreed with her, and was sure she had every right to be angry. He preferred she blow off her steam there on the turbolift, out of sight of gossiping crew members.

And because things seemed settled and because T'Pren really needed physical contact, she put herself side by side with Rai on the floor of the lift and leaned against him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. She was momentarily distracted from her father-induced panic, but it was still there, draining away any energy she had. After a moment of consideration, she asked quietly, "I wasn't...bad, though, was I?"

"You weren't, no. You're lovely, you just don't have a penis," he said as she settled down on his shoulder.

"Well," T'Pren joked weakly, hinting at a smile, "if my geneticist dad is alive, maybe he can..."

She trailed off and closed her eyes, pushing her cheek against Rai's shoulder. "I couldn't stand the thought that you might have lied to me," she whispered instead. Better to deal with that than with her dads and the mission. "Or that I wasn't...good enough. Somehow. Too...inexperienced or..."

"No. It completely boils down to your lack of a penis," he said decisively.

T'Pren rolled her eyes in half-joking exasperation and looked up at Rai from his shoulder. "Just tell me I was magnificent at lovemaking please. Despite my handicap."

"Yes, you were magnificent," he said. He rose from his spot on the floor of the turbolift, and threw the relay. The turbolift started to move again.

T'Pren gave a small grin at Rai's answer. "Next time, I'm going to need you to muster up some enthusiasm so I can believe you." She bent down to pick up the panel from the floor and offered it over to the Captain. "Darren? What are you doing when you get off duty?"

"I'm contacting my mother on a subspace transmission to Betazed. She wanted me to let her know when I'm on the new ship," he smiled.

T'Pren echoed Rai's smile for an admirable moment before her brain found that mothers are parents and her parents aren't around but they might be but also they might be dead or it'll be horrible, beyond her worst imaginings. The smile slipped and she took in a breath. "After that...or before, whichever is better for you...would you...would you mind keeping me company? We can do whatever you'd like. You can even work and I'll just sit in the room or..." She locked eyes with him like she was trying to make up for the whole day's avoiding contact. "I'm obsessing over what..." Over her dads. "And you make me feel safe and calm and...and you're the only telepath I've connected with like this in years. I could really use a distraction."

"Oh Pren," he said. "Not... tonight. It's a little soon for me. Not never, but we will? Just not yet," he said.

Rai received a sweet smile in return, though it was tinged with anxiety of the thought of how she was going to distract herself adequately on her own. "Okay," she replied softly before lifting her brows hopefully. "I don't want to tell anyone else about what's going on and I don't want to talk about it. And there's only so much fighting holographic opponents I can do in one night. ...Is there...is there work I can do? Preferably something mentally strenuous?"

"You could check the polarization on the nacelles, I suppose," he said. "Make sure the torpedoes are aligned. If all else fails to occupy you, you can get out and start wiping the windshield."

That last comment made T'Pren grin. "As your chief science officer, I have to tell you that sending people out into space from a ship in warp is probably not the best idea you've ever had." She glanced at the upcoming deck on the lift panel and chewed uncertainly on her bottom lip before returning her attention to Rai. "If it's not too...soon," she started gently, "would you mind at least sharing a feeling of calm?" But she already started to shake her head. "No, nevermind. I'll find a way to burn off the anxiety. But don't be surprised if you wake up in the morning to a dozen totally unnecessary and very thorough reports on science and engineering."

"I will read every single one with gratitude and aplomb." He clasped her gently on the shoulder. "We're okay now, right?"

T'Pren placed her hand on top of Rai's and met his gaze earnestly and without hesitation. "Of course we are," she assured him with a smile. "Thank you for being honest and forthright with me."

"You're welcome. You know, you could always check Zima's neural relays. They require quite a bit of maintenance, from the reports I've read."

Just then the turbolift finally reached its intended destination and its door whooshed open. "That would definitely require mental effort on my part," T'Pren agreed thoughtfully. "But I should probably wait until he has everything prepared for the mission before I start poking around in his brain." And then she frowned. Brain? "In his head, anyway."

"Suit yourself," Rai stepped off. "But you're authorized to upgrade him if you're feeling creative. Until later, Lieutenant."

T'Pren couldn't quite help the mad scientist glint in her eyes at the idea of upgrading the doctor. "Doctors need wings, right?" she asked with a grin as Rai got off the lift. "Too late, you already gave me authorization." And then the doors closed.